Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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