I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
