Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize