I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
