a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Randomize
