at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Found the puke drawer
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
