just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
