Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
