apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
A+ Viking dick
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize