she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
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