I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
sex in a hospital.. check
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
