Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
