So drunk, too bad you don't want this
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
