A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
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looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
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