you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
