do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I have demons in me.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
