I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You need a sexual gate keeper
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
