i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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