VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize