Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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