i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
