so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
