Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
