omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
