Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
