Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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