i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
