i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
