I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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