It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
