Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
