I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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