do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
