I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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