i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
