Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
