i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
