handjob tips. give me some.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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