It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
We had to coat check the pizza.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
