I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
