No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
