did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
