Whod you bang
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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