He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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