the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
