For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Alive.
So much puke
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
