I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
