She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
