An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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