He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
