I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
