i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
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I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
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Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize