Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
