Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
