i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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