i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
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For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
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Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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