Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
