I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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