How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
