You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Your penis caused this!
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