i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
And the cops told us we were all naked.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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