college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
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