Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
