They should really pass out barf bags in church
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
