I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
My ass is underappreciated
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
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