Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
