weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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