After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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