We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
