Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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